


The Five Times Keith Almost Confessed and the Time He Wished He Did

by Dokuhan



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Dumb boys being dumb, Feelings, First Meetings, M/M, Secret Santa, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 18:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9002020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dokuhan/pseuds/Dokuhan
Summary: He just wasn't really used to feelings, so he had a hard time getting the point across.





	

**I.**

When Keith Kogane was 18-years-old, he enlisted in the Galaxy Garrison. It’s not like he had much other choice in the matter, there’s only so much an orphan with the bare minimum of formal education can do in the world. It came with certain benefits to it though: a guaranteed job if he managed to get through the Academy training all cadets have to go through, and all of the necessities he needed to get through life were provided for him. They offered a place to sleep, three square meals a day, and a provided uniform, so it worked for him.

There was also Takashi Shirogane.

Before his first day in the Garrison, Keith didn’t think much about relationships. His goal in life had always been to, well, survive. That didn’t leave much time to think of other things like boys or girls or which one made his knees quake. So when _it_ happened, Keith blamed it entirely on his new, somewhat stable place in life.

It was move in day, and he was struggling to carry all of his worldly possessions (read: three boxes) in one trip. He wasn’t exactly sure what he bumped into that started to make his stack wobble, but the force of it was enough to throw his balance out of whack and he tripped over his own feet.

“ _Well, this is it,_ ” he thought to himself, “ _this is how I die. Looking like an idiot in front of everyone._ ” He had barely enough time to accept his fate when he felt two strong, confident hands catch him.

“Whoa, watch out! Matt, you almost knocked him over, slow down,” the voice belonging to the hands called out. He sighed when whoever Matt was answered something back, but he didn’t sound too exasperated when he talked to Keith, “Here let me take one of those.”

It only occurred to him right then that maybe he should look at his newfound savior. He turned his head and laid his eyes on _the_ most handsome man he’d ever had the pleasure of encountering.

He was tall and just a bit broad around the shoulders, with a strong jawline and a undercut that would look incredibly douchey on anybody else. His smile was what really caught Keith’s attention, bright white and so genuine,

Oh, god. He was in _love_ and a dirty part of his brain almost threw impulse control to the wind as the words bubbled up in his throat.

Luckily, the beautiful stranger spoke and gave him a chance to regain his senses, “Nice to meet you, I’m Shiro.”

 

**II.**

Keith got to learn a lot about Shiro in that first year at the Garrison. Their ages were about two years apart, but the third year cadets often helped out the second and first years, since the fourth years had countless simulations and exams that left them too busy to offer much guidance.

He didn’t really mean to stick to Shiro like glue at the beginning, it was just something that kind of happened. Shiro had a lot of friends, people just gravitated to him like planets to a sun. It was easy to pretend that he was just following the crowd for the first few weeks, instead of harboring his first crush.

They only really started to bond after the first couple of months, when Keith found himself alone in the cafeteria late one night, trying to avoid his loud, obnoxious roommate.

Shiro found him with his head down on one of the tables, trying to at least rest his eyes. He plopped down on the bench next to him, “You know,” he started, “I’m pretty sure the dorms are a lot warmer than this. They’re probably a lot comfier too, especially if you use this new fangled invention. What was it called again? A bed?”

Keith opened his eyes enough to glare. “Alexei can’t sleep without the sounds of the Russian Opera,”

“Alexei?”

“My roommate.”

“Oh, right, you have to share in the first year. Maybe you’ll get lucky and get a single next year.”

“If I live to see next year.”

Shiro laughed a little at that, “No one at the Garrison has died from a lack of sleep yet, don’t try to set any records.” In what might have been an act of solidarity, he put his head down on the table too.

“What are you doing up?”

“Stamina training. Exploratory pilots have to be able to go a certain number of hours without fatigue, so some of us take night watch shifts to practice.”

“You’re on the pilot track?”

“Yeah, what about you?”

“I haven’t decided yet. I might be a mechanic or technician.”

“Why not a pilot too?”

Keith shrugged, “No one ever brought it up. I don’t think my grades out of high school were good enough to be considered.”

“That doesn’t really matter, the training here is a lot more specific. You should look into it, you’d make a great pilot.”

He felt the tips of his ears and his cheeks go warm at that, and hoped that it was dark enough in the room that Shiro wouldn’t notice. “Yeah, maybe.”

Shiro hummed at that and adjusted his position, pillowing his head with his arms. “You know, I have a single. If you want to get away from your roommate, you’re welcome to spend the night once in a while.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Why are you perfect? No one is this perfect. I think I’m in—” he stopped himself just in time, turning his head away, “Sorry, I’m really tired.”

“It’s no problem. Come on, I’ll walk you over.”

 

**III.**

By the time Keith was in his second year and Shiro was in this fourth, he was certain that they could be considered some level of friends. The nights in Shiro’s room continued even after he got a single, mostly because he didn’t really like being alone anymore, but they also just enjoyed hanging out.

It was harder to fit in time in between Keith’s flight lessons and Shiro’s mock trials for the Officer’s exam, but they somehow managed to make it work. They got lunch whenever they could fit it in, discussed whatever Air & Space article was making its way around the Garrison, sometimes Shiro would even help him study. It was a lot of work, but the play was still there.

His favorite activity though, was Drunkgazing.

It was a dumb thing Shiro and his closest friends apparently came up with midway through their second year. One of them (usually Matt, almost always Matt) would sneak off base and come back with some cheap beer. Then the group of them would sneak onto the roof of one of the buildings and they’d make up their own constellations.

“It’s really only fun after the first couple of drinks,” Shiro had explained the first time he brought Keith along, “and we never remember which ones we came up with. Just drink a lot of water when you get back to your room, you’ll barely feel it in the morning.”

It was relaxing, to say the least, and Keith has the alcohol tolerance of a grizzled trucker so he didn’t wake up feeling hungover any time he joined them. He welcomed it into his Garrison routine in no time, milking whatever moment he could share with Shiro - even if he had to share it with five other people.

Then there was the night they broke routine.

Matt hadn’t provided that night, instead one of the girls - Sandy? Sherry? He could never remember her name - brought a bottle of Jäeger she’d gotten from a cousin. She said it would make things more interesting.

While beer had always just made Keith feel fuzzy, enough to actually let go and come up with the most elaborate backstories for the stars in the sky, Jäeger just seemed to make his head ache. He laid on his back, looking up into the sky and tried to grasp onto even the most basic of shapes, but they just felt so bright and he had to squint his eyes.

“This sucks…” Shiro muttered next to him, “do you see anything?”

“I feel sick,” he answered back, but not really. It was the truth though, his mind felt like it was swimming and something felt sour in the back of his throat. He tried to tell himself that it was just because he wasn’t used to the taste.

“Do you want to head back?”

Keith turned his head to look at Shiro and, oh wow, he was looking back. Keith had thought Shiro was attractive from the day they first met, but at that one moment - under just the starlight and the dull emergency lights on the roof, he looked absolutely gorgeous. He swallowed thickly, “No, I want to stay.”

“You sure? I can bring you back.”

He shook his head, “No.” He swallowed again, trying to pull his thoughts together. It had to be right then, he just had to say it. “Shiro, I—”

But then, before he could even get the words out, something else started to work its way up his throat. He clamped his mouth shut and rolled onto his side. He scrambled to make it to the edge of the room, gagging as he held a hand over his mouth. When he did finally make it, it was like a torrential downpour. He _really_ hoped there was no one that just happened to be walking by, because he didn’t need another level of mortification that night.

Shiro rubbed his back as he vomited, and whatever he said was drowned out by the noise.

Later on he found out it wasn’t the Jäeger, but the stomach bug that was making rounds throughout the dorms. He still never drank it again.

 

**IV.**

“Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see, it’s really cool.”

Keith usually didn’t like riding bitch when it came to the Garrison hoverbikes, but with Shiro driving he was willing to go anywhere. They were playing hooky for the day, on their way to see the “surprise” Shiro had raved about all night. All Keith could see around them was miles and miles of uninhabitable desert, so he wasn’t exactly sure what he was in for.

“Close your eyes for a minute, okay?”

“Shiro…”

“Come on, I’m serious.”

So Keith did, and eventually when the bike came to a stop he tried to open them again, only to be stopped by Shiro.

“Hold on, let me help you off first. Okay, now, keep them closed and follow me.” He took Keith’s hand.

Electricity flowed through his entire arm and half of him wanted to recoil while the other, more repressed part begged to lace their fingers together. He tried his best to ignore both voices as he walked with Shiro, noting at one point that he was climbing up some steps, followed by the sound of a door opening.

“Okay, you can look now.”

He found himself standing in a sparsely decorated living room. Some of the furniture was dusty and it smelled a little bad, but Shiro stood in the middle of it all looking like a kid on Christmas morning. “Where are we?”

“I _found_ it,” Shiro replied, smile beaming, “I wandered off on one of our training exercises and it was just sitting there. The door was even unlocked.”

“You _broke in_?”

“It doesn’t count as breaking in if it’s abandoned!” He walked over to the bookshelf, running his finger along the grime, “I did some research and no one’s lived here for almost ten years.”

“Okay? But what does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m gonna buy it. I’ve been saving most of my salary these past few years because I wanted to visit home at some point, but…” he trailed off before shrugging, “if I use my first paycheck as an Officer, I should have enough. It’s a real steal, I won’t have a mortgage or anything.”

“But, there are the dorms, you don’t need a place of your own,” he ignored the “ _Don’t leave me behind_ ” that sat bitterly on his tongue. Shiro wasn’t his to have, so he had no right to demand that of him.

“I just want to, that’s all.” He looked back at Keith, “And I want you to have the spare key.”

Times stopped for just a bit. His eyes met Shiro’s, “Seriously?”

“Yeah, you’re always welcome, Keith.”

He wondered if that meant anything more, if it was Shiro’s indirect way of saying that he wanted them to _be_ something now. He opened his mouth, ready to ask all of these things and more, ready to say that he’d felt the same since the day they met.

But then he stopped, and thought about it. “ _He probably said the same thing to everyone else. He’s just being nice. It’s Shiro, he’s nice to everyone._ ” It’s still too ambiguous to try.

So Keith just nodded andkicked  at a stray can with his foot, “When do you move in?”

 

**V.**

He was 21-years-old and just entering his third year in the Garrison when life came crashing down around him.

It was 3:27AM (he only remembered the time because he spent a good few seconds glaring at the clock like it was causing all of his woe) when he heard a loud knock at his door. He considered ignoring it at first, because who the hell does that, but when it just kept going he knew he had to answer.

He was surprised to see Shiro standing in front of him for a variety of reasons. Despite owning a house, Shiro still spent the nights in the Officers’ dormitory - which was in the building across base. Officers weren’t supposed to be in the Cadets’ dorms after a certain point, unless they were on night watch.

“Hey,” Shiro whispered, trying to keep his voice down so nobody would hear him, “I need to talk to you, can I come in?”

Keith looked out into the hallway, making sure nobody was watching before he scooched over to let Shiro into his room. He quickly shut the door and locked it, “What’s up?”

Shiro bit his lip and looked around the room, “Sit with me.” He sat down on Keith’s bed, fidgety and distracted. He rubbed his hands a bit before dropping them onto the bed, tangling his fingers into the sheets as he tried to get comfortable.

“Did something happen? What’s wrong?” He sat across from him on the bed, folding his legs lotus style.

“I...I got accepted for the Kerberos mission,” he let out in one breath, “I applied on a whim because Matt was already accepted and his dad was going and...I got in.”

“What? Shiro, that’s _great_.”

“I just graduated, Keith. I haven’t even been in space yet.” Shiro rubbed his face, “What if I screw up? They should have picked a more experienced pilot.”  

“Shiro, you were the top of your flight class. You’ll be fine.” He moved closer, gently pulling Shiro’s arms back down, “Besides, think of the paycheck. You can finally make all of those renovations you keep talking about.”

He took a deep breath, “It’s going to be a long time.”

“Almost two years, right?”

“Yeah, a lot of it is travel time,” Shiro paused and looked at Keith’s hands, still so close to his own. He reached over and laced their fingers, “Will you wait for me?”

His blood ran cold at that and his jaw dropped a little. Was it really happening? Was he actually still asleep and dreaming? He tried to say something, but only a croak came out.

Shiro leaned in and kissed him, and boy, was it everything Keith had ever dreamed of. He was warm, and even though his lips were chapped, they still felt soft pressed against his. His nerves tingled with warmth that contrasted the cool feeling through the rest of his body. The worst part was that he didn’t even know what to _do_. It was his first kiss ever and he felt stiff, like a statue.

When Shiro pulled away, Keith’s top lip felt wet. He wanted to lean back in for more, but he couldn’t move. So he tried to speak, tried to tell Shiro about everything he had felt for the past three years, all the chances he wanted to take but didn’t for various reasons. He wanted to do so much...but then nothing happened. His voice had betrayed him just as much as his body.

Through the dark, he could see Shiro frown and whatever light had been in his eyes faded away, “Oh…” he said softly, before pulling away, “sorry, I just thought...I mean...I’m gonna head back.” He stood up quickly.

“Wait, Shiro.”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Let’s just forget this happened,” he didn’t look back as he waved, “I’m just being dumb. I’ll see you around.”

He didn’t even get the chance to stand up before Shiro unlocked the door and left the room, shutting it gently behind him.

Keith never got another chance to speak with him.

 

**I.**

If Shiro had still been part of the Garrison, Keith would have taken getting kicked out a lot harder than he actually did. At the rate he was going, he was glad to be rid of the place. He wanted nothing to do with an organization that would smear one of their most promising pilots just to cover up whatever they were actually hiding.

He spent a whole year figuring out how to survive all over again. He still had Shiro’s spare key and enough savings to buy a large supply of MREs and non-perishable food. He found an old hoverbike in a ditch and it wasn’t too big of a hassle to fix. He made things work the best way he could, just as he always had.

The days passed slowly and his wall grew more complex. When the sun was up and light flooded the main room it was easy to be distracted, but when night hit his thoughts caught up with him.

What would have happened if he’d said something that night? Would anything be different or would he just be hurting more? What hurt the most was not knowing.

He curled up in the bed they might have shared and buried his face in the pillow that _should have_ smelled like Shiro.

It was so lonely.

 

**I.**

“How did you even get my clothes?” Shiro asked as he zipped up his vest. It looked like it fit tighter than it had the last time it’d been worn, stretched around new, bulked up muscle.

Shiro looked different, covered in scars and shock of white hair hanging in front of his eyes, but he still looked amazing to Keith. He’d resisted the urge to run his fingers along each new ridge while he slept, knowing that he had to keep some things in check.

“After you guys left, I volunteered to pack up your dorm. I told them I was the only one with a key to your house.”

“Well, you were the only one I gave it to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course.” Shiro looked down at his hands, flexing the mechanical one a bit before letting his eyes linger over a large, gruesome scar around the still-flesh wrist, “Do you have an extra—”

“Yeah, hold on.” Keith dug around in one of the drawers and pulled out a glove, “Gimmie.” He took Shiro’s human hand and pulled the glove over it.

“Thanks,” Shiro tried to pull his hand away.

Keith didn’t let it go.

Shiro looked back at him.

He swallowed, keeping his head down as he adjusted the strap around Shiro’s wrist, “I wanted to tell you, I really did.”

“Keith, what—”

“Let me finish. It’s still really hard for me to say it, I really don’t know _how_ , so I guess…” he pulled his hand away, “I guess I just want you to know that I waited.”

The look of surprise on Shiro’s face softened into something fond, “You did, huh?”

“I did,” he stepped a little closer and leaned up, pressing their foreheads together. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

“You don’t have to.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hey, hey, kiragi! It’s your Secret Santa, here to bring you a holiday gift. This was my first time actually writing Voltron fic, so I hope you enjoy it!


End file.
